I have been searching the web for the last week reading sober blogs, joining sober forums and drumming up the courage to finally make a commitment to a sober life. I say finally, because I’ve tried this on numerous occasions in the past. Been determined for a day or two and then this little voice in my head tells me that I ‘deserve’ a nice cold glass of Sauvignon – just one. But of course it never is one. In the early days my evenings were filled with two or three glasses, but this slowly crept up to a bottle, a bottle and a half and more recently two bottles every night. I consciously buy two bottles because I know that one will never be enough.
I didn’t always drink like this. I can remember in my 20s, newly married with a baby – I enjoyed the occasional glass of wine with friends. Once, a friend told me that her mother drank a whole bottle of wine almost every night and my reaction was: “Oh my goodness, she must be an alcoholic to drink that much!”
I don’t remember an actual point in my life when I became that friend’s mother. The stress of having three young children close together, a husband who worked away from home all the time was probably what prompted me to take refuge in a ‘grown up’ glass of wine to relax each evening once the children were in bed. Then a messy marriage break up and divorce just gave me more excuses to indulge. But I really don’t have any of those reasons any more. I am happily re-married. My children are grown up and happy – but I am left with the misery, disgust and shame at the ever growing pile of bottles in the recycling bin and a spotty, puffy face.
So today – 21st July 2014 – two days before my 48th birthday, I am finally saying goodbye to Sauvignon. Farewell my friend – it’s time to move on.